I sort of feel like I'm in that movie "Groundhog Day". It seems like Hyde and I have the same conversation over and over. Last night, I was laying down next to ShortStuff and fell asleep. Hyde came in and asked me to get up and go with him to the living room. So, I did. He said he wasn't sure how much more of "this" he could take and he took his ring off and threw it at me. Sound familiar? He started in about how I had made no changes in our entire marriage, how I've kept him from having a career and how I never think I'm wrong at the time but then later I say sorry and think it should all be forgiven.
The career comment is especially interesting since earlier in the week I was joking about whether I should apply for my boss' job if he decided to go back into his previous line of work. Hyde asked if it would be a significant pay raise. I said that I'd hope so. He said oh then he could home-school ShortStuff and work on my next novel. I mentioned to him last night that I didn't think this was a good idea for several reasons. 1) Unless he was willing to take free-lance writing assignments, which he hasn't been willing to do, he would not be earning anything. 2) I'm just not sure he's disciplined enough to teach ShortStuff what he needs to know. 3) I can't handle being blamed for his lack of a career for the next 13 years.
The rant went on for quite a while. No new material. No need to re-hash it again on here since it has all been said before, repeatedly. I'm pretty sure I'm to blame for this one. No, I didn't ask for chocolate kisses this time. Right before we went to Bible study, I said I just didn't want to go. (I'm really struggling with depression and just don't like being around people right now. I went to the doctor today.) Hyde asked if he had done something. I said not today and sort of laughed. He asked what he'd done. I said well the idiot comment at 3:25 the other morning still kind of stings. He didn't say a word...until around 10:30. Oh, and as always, after he spews out all sorts of venom, he feels better and goes to sleep. I'm left to sit in shock and figure out whether I'm worth the air I breathe.
I realize love is about sacrifice. How much is too much?
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