That's what I am for holding out any hope just a few short minutes ago. Since we started Love & War, Hyde decided to bring up a book we had started a few years back called His Needs Her Needs. Hyde has always like this book because he could be completely honest, & not worry about hurting my feelings. (His words.) He said in order not to be tempted he needed me to take better care of myself physically. I mentioned that it wasn't like I sat on the couch each day eating bags of cheetos. He said it didn't matter, that he couldn't be attracted to me until I took better care of myself. I said I really thought I had married someone who would look at my heart & would love me for me & accept that my body looks different now that I've born his son. He said well he could say the same that I should love him for who he is & he shouldn't have to change to meet my needs then. I said but my needs are commands. I need you to love me & understand me. He said well I can just stop talking or lie to you or tell you the truth & the truth is I can't be attracted to you until you start taking care of yourself physically. At this point I had to call it a night.
Am I missing something here? Is this acceptable for a Christian man? Am I crazy to be hurt by this? Am I so vastly different in appearance from when we first met that I'm now repulsive? Is he holding me up against the women he sees at his beloved gym? Am I that fat & disgusting & ugly & unworthy of love & kindness?
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