Lost

So everything is out in open or at least on the path to being out in open. Everything I read says that's best. We will see.

Expect to hear from elders soon. I asked a friend to talk to them for me. Why I didn't talk to them years ago is beyond me. Why don't we feel more comfortable going to those watching over our souls? Is it just me? Just this generation? Lack of faith? I pray that we might all be given the wisdom & strength to do what is right in His sight.

Hyde went to my parents house tonight. Knew nothing about it until my mom called scared to death. Hyde had called them & said he was half-way there. (We live 180 miles from my parents.) He didn't tell them anything else. They were convinced I was dead. My dad was worried about Hyde's mental stability combined with the fact that Hyde always carries a weapon. My dad called Hyde's dad. They headed to my parents house from their house several miles away. How pathetic are we that at ages 41 & 36 our parents are involved?

Hyde texted me when he got there and said "talking to your dad". I simply responded with "ok". He called a bit later to ask about ShortStuff, then said see you in morning. He later texted to tell me my dad told him he'd never understand me. Then my mom called about 11:45 to tell me Hyde was heading back to our house.

I'm at a friend's house tonight with ShortStuff. Sent Hyde a note to say be careful, we were at a friends & we would talk later. No response from him.

I've tried to be nothing but honest both in relaying what is going on & in seeking solutions. Feel like my integrity is being questioned or will be in near future. Really feeling lost tonight at this point. Can't turn to most friends because they advocate divorce. Not at the drop of a hat or anything but in situations like this. I need to find a way to use this challenge to draw me closer to God. Don't think I have the ability to look at it like that tonight tho. Know there are a lot of people praying for me which helps because I'm not sure I can anymore. Going to try to rest. No clue what to do about tomorrow. Have a meeting I really need to go to but if I go it will just look like I'm choosing my career over everything. No clue if I should take ShortStuff to school either. Guess I will try to just turn it over to God & not worry about whether I will be fired. Why is that so difficult?