August 2009

I didn't capture much in August. I think July wore me out. Plus there was some bonding later on during the month once his mother started attacking me (verbally that is).

08/01 - The 2 sets of parents leave. Hyde goes to bed in spare bedroom. I ask why, he says why not & turns over. When he wakes up I'm at computer paying bills, walks by & leaves w/o word. After ShortStuff's nap, we go to Wal-mart & are there a few hours. He never checks on us which is very rare. When we got home, he apparently had not been home long, since his car was still very warm. We didn't really talk rest of night, but he slept in our bed.

08/02: I'm sick but Hyde doesn't believe me. He walks by & says he wishes he had married someone who believes Bible. When I asked why he said I don't believe the Bible, he said I knew why. He also said that I mistreat him all the time. When I asked what I was doing to mistreat him, he said we had been over it 1400 times & he wasn't telling me again. He then suggested I open my Bible & read what a wife's duties were & how I was always wanting to study but never that. I said I had never once refused to study & he just changed subject. I asked why he was starting this now when I was sick & he said it was because he felt like it.

Later in the day, I hurt my back getting ShortStuff out of bath. Nothing bad, just one of those things were you turn wrong and you tweak your back. After a while, I went back to bed. Hyde came in to ask if I was getting back up. I said I didn't know because I really felt bad. He walked out then came back & said he felt bad, he needed to run & he was going to take a baseball bat & start smashing stuff. ShortStuff said "Daddy run?" Hyde replied that "Daddy isn't allowed to run". I got up & put ShortStuff to bed. I stayed up during most of his run but went to bed a little after ten. Hyde came in mad because he said he told me not to go to bed, two different times. I really didn't hear him. He then starts in on me about how he's never asked me to do anything immoral. He says we are going to read Dave Ramsey book again because obviously I didn't read it. Then says we took money from emergency fund so I could go to a concert. This is not true at all because I paid for concert 3 months ago.

08/03: Hyde tells me that I'm an invalid & can't take care if my family because I don't take care of myself. I lost it & screamed at him that he needed to stop worrying about me physically & start worrying about himself spiritually. (While what I said was true and needed to be said, my manner was not appropriate.) I then told him that maybe he should talk to his dad about the hell his grandmother put up with all those years with his beloved grandfather. I told him how I had told his mother everything, starting with all my flaws. He stared at me & then left without another word.

Sidebar: His mother and I had a long conversation where I did tell her everything that was going on. I was at my wit's end and took a chance. I thought I had made the right decision since face to face she was very supportive and worried about our marriage and our souls. She told me a lot of things about both sides of the family. Seemed like she needed to talk to someone as well. Of course, I was quickly proved oh so wrong. After she got back home, she wrote me 3 horribly nasty emails telling me of my need to repent and accusing me of all sorts of things that were blatantly wrong. Some of the stuff was due to things Hyde had told her that were wrong as well. I confronted him about those things and he said he misunderstood and ended up telling his mom to back off.

08/28 - Hyde calls me at work. (A very common occurrence.) Then he hangs up but calls back a few minutes later. He tells me he can't go on living with this debt. I asked what he was proposing. He said nothing because it was too late and that our marriage is a joke. He reminds him that I told him once, years ago, that I didn't marry him to provide for me & now he can't & it will be like this forever. It is too late for anything. I asked if he was leaving & he said he didn't know.

And as usual, he acts like nothing is wrong when I see him later.

And so ends August...or at least all that I captured of it.