December 1 - 16, 2009

12/4: So Hyde just stormed out of the house mad at me because he "allowed" me to go out shopping for needy kids with my friend, S. Even though this was planned earlier in the week and I had talked to him at 5 to make sure it was all was still ok, which it was. At 5, he asked how long I'd be out. I said probably about 2 hours or so. He called again at 6 & I asked if all was okay. He said it was. He called again at 7 & asked how much longer. I said about 1/2 hour. He hung up on me. I get home about 30 minutes later & at first he's fine. Then he starts slamming stuff around. I ask what I did this time since I double checked that all was okay. (Oh by the way, I was not spending our personal money. S's office and my office went in together & adopted a classroom. We were buying for 19 kids so it wasn't like we could just run in & get one gift. Hyde knew this too.) Hyde says I just run off whenever I want. I said how dare you pull that. You said, repeatedly, that it was okay. He said well he didn't have a choice because I would have gone anyway. The only thing he has to base that view on is previous times where he's told me it was fine to go and do something, so I went and then he got mad. So storms out and doesn't even tell ShortStuff bye. I'm so freaking sick of this. I can't keep doing this. What am I doing wrong?

He comes home around 11. Slams stuff around, then jabs me to wake me up. He is about an inch from my face. All crazy eyed too. He starts in on me that from now on if I want to do anything, I am to only do it on my employer's time and that I'm not allowed to ask to do anything. I quietly say that he gets a lot of my employer's time already & he says this is not a debate and is not up for discussion. I am not allowed to do anything.

12/13: I say I'm always exhausted by the time I get in car on Sunday mornings. He says he's in a foul mood. I ask why. He says because we are always running late. I said well if he would get up & not have to have someone tell him to get up at 40 years old. (I know, I know. That tongue of mine. I really am working on it.) He then says I always have to get last word. I don't respond. He is driving really fast so I say you know that clock is 5 minutes fast. He pretty much snarls he doesn't care. I say well that's a great attitude to go to services with & so he tells me to shut up.

That afternoon, I almost had ShortStuff asleep. Hyde came in & told me to get up and fix the computer because there were things he needed to do. This, of course, woke ShortStuff completely up. Hyde laid down next to ShortStuff & Hyde went to sleep. Hyde didn't bother getting up even though ShortStuff was coughing so much he needed his rescue inhaler. Hyde ended up sleeping about 2 hours. ShortStuff & me? No sleep at all. I'm still trying to figure out just what was so important for him to do. So I ask when he gets up & he snaps "just stuff". Then he finally says about that job. (A teaching job?) Then, he asks me to help him with the submission form but doesn't say thank you or anything. Guess I should be grateful that there were no tirades.

12/14 - Heading out the door to work & school & find a note written on the door to the garage. It was written in all caps and with a marker. It directed me to update the bank balance before I left.

12/15 - He called at 5:40 asking where I was. Told him I was by the garage about a 1/2 mile from our house. He says get home immediately. I'm freaked because I think something must be horribly wrong with ShortStuff. We had taken ShortStuff to the doctor earlier in the day. I walk in completely panicked. Hyde is on treadmill. He tells me that ShortStuff needs to go potty. I said don't ever do that again I was scared to death that something was wrong. He says or what? Then scoffs a couple of times. I'm still thanking God that ShortStuff is okay. Oh & Hyde got off of treadmill less than 5 minutes after I got home.

12/16 - No apology but today he cooks dinner. Is that his only way to apologize? We've been married almost 11 years and he's never apologized for anything. That's not hyperbole. He does not apologize for anything.