September 2009

09/04 - Hyde calls me at work to tell me that I'm pathetic & immature & several other names I can't remember. He then calls at 11:30 and asks where I am. I tell him I'm out with some girls from the office and we just got to a restaurant downtown. (My friends can't stand him. One reason is because he is so rude at lunch. He interrupts conversations and then always wants to bring the topic back to whatever he wants to talk about regardless of what others are talking about.) Hyde says okay, he'll call later. We talk later in the day and he seems fine. However when I get home, he starts in about how petty, juvenile, disrespectful, etc. I am because I go to lunch with these folks. Then he tells me he's not going to work full time afterall because he finds it immoral to put ShortStuff in daycare all day.

2:00 a.m. "wake up call" to hear about my lack of exercise & how I had gotten his hopes up again all for a lie. I woke up later to find my tennis shoes on top of my glasses and phone on the bedside table.

09/09 - He calls me twice during lunch, and all is fine. Then he calls at 2:20 and asks what I'm doing. I tell him I'm preparing for talk. He asks when it is. I tell him I have to be across campus by 2:55. He then wants to know when things are going to change. I tell him I cannot talk about this now, because I'm at work. He says I never want to talk. I said I do not call him at work to ask when he's going to change the way he is treating me. I then ask him to show me same respect. He says fine & hangs up.

09/16 - Hyde starts in on me early today. As I left I told him I has presentations & meetings until early afternoon. It isn't even 9:00 a.m. and he's called twice and hung up on me once. I called him back and asked what was going on. He said you tell me. I said why are you doing this when you know I have a presentation at 9. He said "Who cares. I'm stuck in this marriage for life." At that point, I just hung up.

Hyde wakes me up at 1 a.m. to tell me I'm going to Hell for making him live celibate. I say he is making that choice because I have not turned him down once in the past several years. He never makes any attempts at intimacy. He then tells me it must be nice to just say something never happened and then go on. He also told me that I'm not doing anything in this marriage. Tells me several more times I'm going to Hell. He also says one of us is crazy because we have two very different views on our sex life. He says I'm not taking him to Hell with me & that if I believe Bible as I claim to I can read 1 Cor 7 & see why I'm going to Hell. He then says I turned him down last Saturday night when he was rubbing my feet. That I flipped out if he went above knee. (Not true. What he calls attempts were actually putting me in physical pain to where I was squirming & had bruises from his so-called foreplay.). He tells me I've literally rejected him over 1000 times. Again says I'm going to Hell & it is all on me. I ask about his obligations to me & he says all I want to do is talk about how he's a loser, a pervert, a dirty old man, etc. He tells me if I treated my job like my marriage I'd be fired in no time. I point out that I do neglect my job because of the constant phone calls & the demands that I leave early. I ask if he could give me 1/5 of the time he spends on his physical body. He refuses to acknowledge that he has any shortcomings at all. He says I'm to blame for everything. He says it has been over a year since we've had any physical contact. I remind him of a handful of times this year & he halfheartedly admits that what I said is true. He asks me just who it is I want a sex life with & that I better not say him because he will know I'm a liar. He says he is considering asking his PCP for the equivalent of chemical castration. He asked what I would do to share his life. I remind him that we've been cut out of his zoo activities because he makes plans without us. I ask about target shooting & he says I'm using ShortStuff as an excuse because this all started years ago. I said no I'm admitting that I've made mistakes & things need to change but the reality is that we do have ShortStuff now. I don't want to become a zoo docent and give up my Saturdays with ShortStuff. We talk about shooting & I say I'd go but also point out that he almost always invites someone else along. I also point out that he is unsafe and arrogant at the range, but that I'm still willing to go & the Gs have offered to watch ShortStuff. He accuses me of only wanting to sit on couch & watch tv. By the way, he is the one who turns tv on most of the time. Other than some sports, I barely watch tv & none when he is here. I stepped over a line because I said I've been begging for him to get a day job now that ShortStuff is older. However, now he says he thinks it is a moral issue to have ShortStuff in daycare. I told him I thought it sounded like an excuse not to work & he walked out. I cry out to God for help but he doesn't hear. God please open my eyes to whatever sin is preventing my prayers from being heard. Lord I beg of you. I cannot do this anymore.

09/21 - Transmission goes out on my car. Hyde threatens to commit suicide because we will have to put the repairs on credit. He blames me for all of our debt because I did not wanting to file bankruptcy years ago. He says he's run the numbers and we would have been free of even the student loans if had we filed & gotten rid of our credit card debt. (This is not true.) I asked him to live in reality because neither of us can change past. He then starts talking about how there is a hook in our anus (his words) & tearing us apart because we have to spend money no matter what. I ask him if he wants to go to just one car. He says there is no way we can make one car work. So I say then the reality is we either charge this or have a new car payment one. After he sleeps for 2 hours, I suggest that he talk to a counselor friend of ours because of his suicide threat. He says he doesn't need a counselor but a divorce attorney. He says he hates me & then later that he despises me. He brings up the fact that I asked for a tattoo in 2008. He refused to tell me then why he was against it. He would bring up a reason (medical, religious but without any supporting verse, and a few other reasons) and I'd rebut them with the actual facts. Silly me thought we were actually having an honest discussion regarding tattoos. He said I have no right to know his reasons. Then says my "browbeating" sent him to the hospital. He goes off about how I'm never wrong & how he's never right & why am I still talking. Then he started in on "The Love Dare" book & how I accused him of having all these addictions. (Again, not true. I hadn't mentioned the book in over a year.) He then tells me every time he reads about the brawling & contentious wife, he thinks of me. He then goes on to tell me that it is my fault he isn't a provider for this family. He blames me over & over for "breaking something" in him because I kept pushing until he told me his actual opinion re tattoos. Says he feels dirty for me "forcing" him to tell me he thought tattoos were trampy. Mind you once he said that it hasn't been mentioned by me again.

09/25 - 1:30 am. ShortStuff wakes up crying. I can tell it is one of those cries where he just needs some reassurance that we are still there. I had just gotten him settled down when Hyde shoves our bedroom door closed. I had to open it back up to get to bed and this wakes ShortStuff up. Again. I get him settled once again when Hyde shoves the door shut again which of course wakes ShortStuff up. I open the door & ask Hyde to please leave door open. Once again, I go back to settle ShortStuff who is waking up more and more each time. Hyde starts yelling for me to just bring the boy to bed. I quietly say he doesn't want to go to our bed. Hyde says he doesn't care what anyone wants & stomps into ShortStuff's room. Hyde starts telling ShortStuff that he's going to our bed which prompts ShortStuff to wail. I told Hyde to just go because ShortStuff only needed about five minutes to settle back down. He made a big show out of going to other bedroom.

09/27 - Hyde decides we are going to the pizza buffet place because that is where ShortStuff asked to go. After our Sunday afternoon naps, I turn on football to check scores. He walked into living room, told me to turn the tv off and that I was not allowed to watch tv until I got serious about exercise.

09/29 - At work, I go with a group of my co-workers to get our flu shots. Hyde called 4 times while we were getting our shots, texted twice and left a vm. So, I call him and he answers and hangs up. I then text him and say call when you can. He calls and the first thing out of his mouth was "so guess you are giving me the silent treatment now". I told him I was getting my flu shot and asked if he had to start in on me that way. He said yes he did. Then he says are you going to tell me what the teacher had to say over the phone or am I going to have to drive down there right now. I said please treat me with some respect and he says pick right now, over the phone or am I driving down there. So, I start telling him about conversation with ShortStuff's teacher. Hyde thinks it is just normal 2 year old behavior and wants me to get the Rosemond book back from some friends. (He was making fun of me at lunch for being concerned about ShortStuff's behavior.) I explain that this is not normal and that he really hurt one of the girls in his class. During the conversation, I did lose my temper and tell him part of the problem was probably because ShortStuff saw Hyde treating me like crap. We finished the conversation by talking about the therapy sessions and Hyde's insurance. Weird transition, huh?